Tuesday, September 2, 2025

Odds & ends

  • Today is the first day of school hereabouts! 
    • Little Great-Nephew (the older/original one) is starting Grade 1 today!!  (eeekkkk....)  The one back-to-school photo I really wanted to see, lol. ;)  
    • I heard a startling statistic on CNN on Labour Day morning:  I've always traditionally thought of  the day after Labour Day as the first day of school -- and I think that's fairly common in a lot of places across Canada (although in a few places we lived, we went back for at least a few days, the week before that). 
      • I know that's not always the case in the U.S. -- but apparently only 15% of schools in the U.S. start after Labour Day -- the other 85% start before (i.e., in August). Wow! 
      • (Of course, the school year ends in mid/late May for many U.S. schools too. Most of our schools go right to the end of June.) 
    • I had proposed to dh that he & I mark the day by going out for brunch (because, as an older/childless couple with no kids to send off to school today, we can!).  
    • However! Younger Nephew & his wife recently bought a house (and sold their two-bedroom townhouse near us). Moving day is actually tomorrow/Wednesday -- and dh is on call to help with that (although they have hired movers) --  but they take possession of their new home and get the keys today, so he's gone out with BIL (who has taken the entire week off work to help!) to move a few things over there today too. Sigh. 
      • He's promised me brunch later in the week. 
    • Recent related back-to-school rant here. 
  • We watched "The Thursday Murder Club" movie on Netflix the day it was released (last Thursday, Aug. 28th). I enjoyed it hugely. (Dh enjoyed it too.)  Obviously, there's a lot from the novel that it left out, but it captured the flavour nicely, and you can't beat that cast! (or that setting!)   
  • The school/church (church!! FFS...!!) shooting in Minneapolis last week (where I have a number of close relatives) brought back memories of other school shootings in the U.S.  Columbine, Parkland and Sandy Hook were mentioned frequently in the media and in social media posts I saw. 
    • For parents of other children killed in school shootings, each new shooting obviously stirs up painful memories. On Threads, Nelba Marquez-Greene, mother of Ana Grace Marquez-Greene, a first-grader who died at Sandy Hook, posted sadly, "Why does Ana always get erased in people’s Sandy Hook talking points?"
    • At the time Sandy Hook happened, Mel wrote about focusing on remembering just one of the young lives among the many snuffed out prematurely on that terrible day. As I wrote in a blog post at the time, I chose Ana.  As this article explains, Ana spent spent about half of her far-too-brief life in the city of Winnipeg in my home province of Manitoba, and had only recently moved back to Connecticut when she died. Her father is a jazz musician who taught at the School of Music at my alma mater, University of Manitoba.  I still think about her whenever Sandy Hook comes up. 
    • Many in the comments assured her they had not forgotten Ana -- including me. "Dear Nelba," I posted, "when Sandy Hook happened, someone in one of my online communities pointed out that while it's sadly hard to remember the name of every child who died, perhaps each of us could pick one child to focus on & remember. I chose to remember Ana because I'm originally from Manitoba and learned of your ties to Winnipeg. I thought of her again yesterday. ❤️" 
    • My comment has received almost 800 (!!!) likes to date.  
  • Ali Hall at Life Without Children has assembled a great list of resources for childless and childfree people, including online communities, therapists, books, podcasts, movies, Substacks, social media accounts, notable dates and research/science. that she updates regularly  Many of the sites listed were familiar to me, but others were not, and they might be new to you too. I've added it to my own list of "Childless/free boards, sites & other resources" on the right-hand side of the pages here, near the bottom. Check it out! 
  • Sue Fagalde Lick has signed off from her "Childless by Marriage" blog with a farewell post after exactly  18 (!) years of writing there (since August 27, 2007).  Luckily for us, she'll still be writing and speaking about childlessness in other places online. Go thank her for everything she's done to draw attention to a less-understood part of our community.  

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Monday, September 1, 2025

Right now

Right now...* 

*(A (mostly) monthly series/meme.  Explanation of how this started & my inspirations in my first "Right now" post, here. Also my first (similar) "The Current" post, here.)

August went by in a flash!  We were pretty busy: we celebrated a (nephew's) birthday and a (cousin's son's) wedding, remembered Katie on her special day, dealt with some plumbing issues (that turned out to be more complicated -- and expensive! -- than we had anticipated), sweltered through some extreme heat & humidity earlier in the month, and then abruptly shifted to much cooler weather at its end!    

This month, we: 

  • Spent some time with Little Great-Niece & SIL on several Friday mornings this month (Aug. 1st, 8th & 29th).  
    • Stopped off at the supermarket to pick up some takeout soup for lunch en route home from SIL's. (Aug. 1st & 29th) 
  • Celebrated Younger Nephew's 33rd (!) birthday at a barbecue at BIL's with the entire family on Aug. 3rd. We hadn't seen the great-niblings in more than a month :(  and while it was chaotic (lol), it was also a lot of fun. :)  
  • Went to the supermarket with dh for groceries and takeout pizza slices for lunch (Aug. 4th & 11th). 
  • Went to the local drugstore/cosmetic counter to pick up some favourite foundation before the wedding on the weekend (Clinique Even Better in Alabaster, if you're curious!). (Aug. 5th). 
  • Remembered our Katie on Aug. 7th by bringing flowers to the cemetery, then having lunch at a local cafe, browsing in the bookstore (with Starbucks in hand, lol), and winding up with ice cream at Dairy Queen (tradition!). 
  • Had a manicure & pedicure after visiting SIL & LGNiece on the morning of Aug. 8th, then headed to the bank for some cash and stopped at the supermarket en route home to pick up some takeout soup for lunch. 
  • Attended dh's cousin's son's wedding on Aug. 9th. 
  • Went to the local mall to walk and shop (and generally get out of the house...!). (Aug. 12th & 19th). Noticed the hordes of back to school shoppers (even in mid-August...!) and decided to avoid the mall until after Labour Day...!  lol 
  • Went to the mall in our old community to get haircuts, have lunch, walk and shop. (Aug. 15th) 
  • Drove with BIL & SIL to visit Older Nephew & family for a few hours (Aug. 16th). Had fun with the two Little Great Nephews.  :)  (And the dog!)  
  • Went with dh for gelato -- only to find the shop is closed on Mondays (boo, hiss). Wound up having Blizzards at Dairy Queen instead (lol).  (Aug. 18th) 
    • Returned to the gelato shop on Sunday, Aug. 24th. Success!  (We had our favourites: limone/lemon for me, chocolate for him.) 
  • Went out for lunch (pizza at the supermarket takeout counter -- but instead of taking it home, we ate in the little "food court" sitting area there -- which we hadn't done since before the pandemic began!). Picked up a few things there, then went to the bookstore for a browse and to buy some greeting cards, and then to the drugstore. (Aug. 21st) 
  • Spent the better part of two stress-filled days getting several long-standing minor (we THOUGHT...!) issues looked at and dealt with by a plumber (!): one visit to look at the issues and get an estimate (YIKES!), on Saturday, Aug. 23rd, and then actually having the work done (Monday, Aug. 25th) (and then cleaning up after they left, and more cleanup the next day...!). An experience I would NOT care to repeat any time soon...!!  

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Also right now:  

Reading: I finished 4 books in August (all reviewed on this blog, as well as Goodreads & StoryGraph, & tagged "2025 books"). 
This brings me to 25 books read in 2025 to date, 56% of my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 4 books behind pace to meet my goal.  :) 

Current reads: 
  • "The Two Mrs. Abbotts" by D.E. Stevenson. Chapter-by-chapter reading & discussion with my D.E. Stevenson group, which started Aug. 4th and runs through mid-October. (My original 2015 review here;  most recent review here).  35% completed to date. 
  • "Childless: A Woman and a Girl in a Man's World" by Fabiana Formica.  This one is beautifully written, but slow going, and I was reading it (or trying to...!) at Mom & Dad's, where there were a lot of distractions. I've put it aside for the moment to focus on other reading priorities, but I've completed 33% to date.
  • "A Place of Greater Safety" by Hilary Mantel, the current slow read with Footnotes and Tangents, which began May 5th and runs for 20 weeks (until Sept. 15th). This one also got set aside for a few weeks while I tackled other, more urgent book group reads. Currently 59% completed. Hoping to catch up and finish at/around the same time the group does! 
  • "L.M. Montgomery and Gender," an essay collection edited by E. Holly Pike & Laura Robinson. Slowly working my way through, in between the other books...! 
Coming up: Most of my book groups have their next reads plotted out for a few months in advance -- and listing them here helps me keep track of what I should be reading next. ;)  
(Simon is a big fan of the late great Hilary Mantel, and the other books he's selected were all ones that she loved, so he figured they would probably be worth reading!) 

A few recently purchased titles (all in digital format, mostly discounted ($5-10 or less) or purchased with points):  


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Watching: 
  • "American Prince," a three-part documentary series about John F. Kennedy Jr. on CNN this month. 
    • I wrote a bit about JFK Jr. and what he meant to me and the women of my generation (and reviewed two really good memoirs -- both written by childless women! -- that were about him, at least in part) in this post from 2011.  
  • "The Thursday Murder Club" on Netflix, based on Richard Osman's bestseller and featuring an absolutely stellar cast. The book is better (of course), but as adaptations go, it's pretty great overall -- I loved it!   
  • "The Marlow Murder Club" on PBS Masterpiece Mystery. The second season began on Aug. 24th and runs for six weeks (though Sept. 28th). I provided some thoughts on the first episode in my recent review of "Death Comes to Marlow" (which forms the basis of the first two episodes), here. 
Playing:  
  • Heardle Decades: Stats as of Aug. 31st:  
    • Heardle 60s: 74.4% (763/1025, 302 on first guess), down 0.3% from last month. Max. streak: 15.
    • Heardle 70s: 77.1% (590/765, 337 on first guess), up 0.7% from last month. Max. streak: 18. 
    • Heardle 80s: 40.1% (253/631, 93 on first guess), up 0.1% from last month. Max. streak: 5.
    • Heardle 90s: 32.1% (234/730, 58 on first guess), up 0.4% from last month. Max. streak: 5. 
  • NYT Connections:  
    • By July 31st, I'd played 368 games and won 86% of them, including 189 "perfect puzzles," including 8 where I got the most difficult/purple category first (unchanged from last month).  Maximum winning streak:  45.  Current streak: 7. 
    •  By Aug. 31st, I'd completed 398 games and won 87% of them, including 205 "perfect puzzles" with zero errors, including 9 where I got the most difficult/purple category first.  Maximum winning streak: 45 (unchanged). Current streak:  0. 
Following:  

Eating/Drinking:  
  • As I've mentioned before, we achieved our goal of lowering our cholesterol levels in late January, after less-than-stellar bloodwork last fall earned us both serious chats with our family doctor -- and we've been trying to maintain/improve on those numbers (and lose/keep off some extra pounds) since then, by continuing to eat healthier and move at least a little more.    
    • This goal has taken a bit of a hit over the summer -- as weight loss efforts often do.  While you might be out and about more and at least a little more active, you're also likely socializing and eating out more! (a few examples of that below...!) 
    • I ended the month 0.2 pounds lighter than when it began. (I'll take it...!  lol)  Overall, I'm down almost 12 pounds since our chat with the doctor last October (dh has lost more than 18), and almost 24 pounds from my heaviest-ever weight a few years ago. 
    • We'll be seeing our family dr again for checkups (and, I'm sure, more bloodwork!) in late October -- so we need to start getting back on track again soon...! 
  • BIL barbecued hamburgers and sausages for Younger Nephew's birthday on Aug. 3rd, served with corn on the cob, bean salad, macaroni salad -- and cake, of course! (chocolate)  SIL sent us home with a huge chunk. (Yes, we ate it, despite the diet...! It yielded three generous pieces -- we each had one piece one day, and shared the third on another.)  
  • We had chicken caesar wraps for lunch back in our old community on Katie's "anniversary" day (Aug. 7th), indulged with Starbucks while browsing at the local mega-bookstore there (grande London Fog tea latte for me) and wrapped up the day with Blizzards at Dairy Queen (tradition!). 
  • The food at the family wedding we attended on Aug. 9th was very good:  we'd been asked to communicate any special dietary requests and indicate a choice of chicken, beef or salmon when we RSVPd. I had the chicken (which came with mushroom risotto and veggies);  dh had the beef ribs. There was also a lovely salad, creme brulee for dessert, an antipasto/appetizer bar before dinner, and a late night dessert table and sliders, plus an open bar. 
  • Not just one but two trips to Dairy Queen for Blizzards this month! -- once on Aug. 7th to celebrate our Katie, and once on Monday, Aug. 18th, as a consolation when we went to the gelato shop one Monday afternoon, only to find it's closed on Mondays (!).  (And then we went back to the gelato shop on Sunday, Aug. 24th, lol.) 
  • Also some of our usual takeout meals, including soup & pizza slices from the local supermarket takeout counter (we actually had pizza slices in-house one day -- the first time we'd done that since the pandemic began), and Swiss Chalet rotisserie chicken. 
Wearing: Enjoying my capris and sandals (and shorts) while I still can/could...!  Had to put on long jeans, socks, shoes and a jacket when we went to the park with SIL & LGNiece on the morning of Aug. 29th -- it was sunny but quite cool! (Overnight lows were in the 7-9C range/40sF.) 

After much dithering (here on this blog and elsewhere, lol), I wound up wearing the floral print dress to dh's cousin's son's wedding on Aug. 9th.

Buying (besides books, lol): 
  • Canadian products (or from Canadian companies), as much as possible ;) -- albeit I will admit I'm not as much of a purist as some people seem to be...!    
  • Some cute things for the great-niblings (on sale), from Old Navy, Carters/Oshkosh and The Children's Place. 
  • Not exactly "buying," but our major expense this month was some plumbing repairs we'd been procrastinating on having done! (See "This month we...", above.)  One item on our to-do list in particular turned out to be a lot more involved than we (or they!) had estimated. GULP. Expensive both in terms of money and STRESS! 
Prioritizing: This week: Reviewing our retiree benefits coverage before it rolls over.  

Noticing: Increasing stiffness/aches in my right hip/upper thigh, along with my long-wonky left knee.  :p  Ugh. (Aren't I too young for this crap??)  

Enjoying/Appreciating:  The sunshine and the lack of humidity (even if the temperatures are a little on the cool side...!). 

Loving: Having a dry/drip-free tile floor in the shower! (after those expensive plumbing repairs) -- no more (or at least LESS!) mildew to scrub constantly...!  

Wondering:  Where the summer went to?? (Seriously...) 

Anticipating:  A busy September, including our annual cottage weekend with dh's cousins.  

Trying/Wanting/Hoping:  To squeeze in some time for a fall getaway in September/October (as the calendar rapidly fills up...!). 
                              
Feeling: A lot of stress, anxiety and grief this month -- 27 years without Katie, watching her same-age 2nd cousin getting married, trying to decide what dress to wear (lol), trying to find time for a getaway SOMEWHERE and fit it into an increasingly crowded calendar, dealing with plumbing issues... Agog at how quickly the summer (and the whole year so far!) has gone by, and how abruptly we transitioned from chilly spring weather in May to extreme heat, humidity and wildfire smoke, and then back to cooler (and then chilly!) weather again...! 
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Sunday, August 31, 2025

Is this a "thing" now??

It's Labour Day weekend, and I'm bracing myself for all the back-to-school photos next week (and over the next few weeks) -- although I've already been seeing them from the States, where some schools start in mid/late August.  

This is the weekend a lot of parents are moving their kids into university/college dorms and apartments, and I have a couple of friends who are sending kids off to university for the first time. For some, it's their last kid to leave home, and they're going to be empty nesters. Lots of angst. (Needless to say, I cannot relate.)  

One such friend took both of her sons to their respective schools over the weekend -- the older one starting third year at one school, and his younger brother starting first year at another = leaving home, and leaving her and her husband empty nesters. I knew there would be photos -- but I was dumbfounded when she posted photos of a a beautiful silver bracelet her younger son bought her as a "thank you Mom" gift. (It actually spells out "THANK YOU MOM" in silver letters.) She also posted a photo of the necklace her older son bought her when HE first went off to university three years ago. 

Is this a "thing" now??  (Or did she just raise very thoughtful boys?? lol)  I've never heard of buying your mom a "thank you Mom" gift when you go off to school or leave home. Of course I never heard of "push presents" until a few years ago either. 

Everything is a production and a photo op these days, it seems...!  (And a marketing/sales opportunity for businesses too, of course...!) 

(Here's another example:  Older Nephew's Wife has been a bridesmaid for several friends in recent years, and apparently you don't just give gifts to your wedding party at/just before the wedding anymore, you also hold a party where you ASK them to be in your wedding party, and give them gifts then too!! At least, that seems to be the practice hereabouts.)  

Have you ever heard of this? 

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On a related note -- this article from The Atlantic (gift link) points to another back-to-school trend I've noticed in recent years and been hearing more about lately:  elaborately (and sometimes even professionally)(?!!) decorated dorm rooms, mostly courtesy of the Bank of Mom & Dad.  

I mean, seriously?? 

Here's how much times have changed (and why I simply cannot relate to all the back-to-school stuff, beyond not having a kid myself):  

I arrived at university 46 years ago this weekend (Labour Day weekend, 1979). There were no pre-application/acceptance tours of campuses with parents in tow. (I can't think of anyone who would have been caught DEAD doing that with Mom & Dad in those days.)  My high school arranged group tours of the two universities and one community college in the nearby city (an hour away) for any students interested in checking them out, and I did go on all of those, even though I was pretty sure which one I was going to attend. 

Earlier that summer, one of my high school girlfriends and I took the bus into the city to register and sign up for our courses -- which, in those early days of computerization, involved filling in a form manually, then going around from one prof's office to another to get their signatures, and then standing in long lineups at the student union building with our chequebooks and forms to pay for it all). 

We may have taken a stroll past the all-female dorm we'd applied to live in (one of several on campus), but never set foot inside before moving in. We'd requested each other as roommates on our applications, which you could do -- but it was not guaranteed our request would be accepted. In fact, I don't think I knew until I actually arrived on campus that weekend who my roommate would be. And -- unbeknown to me -- she had expressed preference on her residence application for a single room -- should she not get one, she'd take a cheaper double room with me. Preference for singles was given to returning students. Nevertheless, she beat the odds and got a single room. I think I knew this before we moved in, but I don't remember for sure. 

My mother drove me into the city that day (I think it was on the long weekend Sunday, and I don't think my dad or my sister came). There was no specific set time (other than showing up on the weekend before classes began, during office hours); we just showed up. (I remember standing in a few lineups, but they weren't very long.) I think I had two suitcases with me containing mostly clothes and a few small items, maybe a few other things, and that was about it. I don't think I was too unusual in that respect (although of course my parents didn't live tht far away, so anything I'd forgotten or needed, I could get the next time I was home or they were in the city.) 

We paid my fees at the administration office desk, got my keys and meal plan punch card for the dining hall, had my photo taken for the residence directory, and headed up to see my room. The "proctor" (residence assistant for my floor) came over to introduce herself and invite me to go with her and a couple of the other girls who had already moved in to party/social event that night. I don't remember Mom helping me unpack or lingering, or any tearful goodbyes. I was, of course, only an hour away from home, and those were very different times. 

I knew my new roommate's name, but nothing else about her. When Mom & I arrived at the room on the third floor (it was a nine-storey building overlooking the river, built in the early 1960s), my roommate was not there, but her stuff was. I stared at the framed photos on the desk and other things, trying to guess from those clues what she might be like.  She didn't actually arrive until Labour Day Monday. I'd been out and when I returned, she was sitting there, painting her nails, a polished, petite blond girl. I was a little taken aback at first -- but very happily, after some initial awkwardness, we soon got to know each other better, became fast friends, and we're still in touch, all these years later,  

Like many dorms of the era, the rooms had cinderblock walls. There was one long shared built-in counter/desk, spanning the wall below the window, with a couple of drawers below on either side, and two bookshelves and two bulletin boards on either side of the window, two chairs, two beds and, on the walls opposite the desk/window, two small closets for our clothes, and a couple of drawers topped with a counter and mirror. The beds came with pillows, linens (changed weekly by maids;  we had to strip the beds if we wanted the sheets washed, and make the beds up with the new sheets ourselves) and thin bedspreads. Some girls brought their own pillows and bedspreads/quilts from home, which I did, eventually (nothing new, a castoff from my sister's room at home).  

There was a bathroom shared by the entire floor, with several (four, I think) toilet cubicles and sinks, which was often a gathering space at night as we washed our faces and brushed our teeth before going to bed. There was a shower room with several shower cubicles, and a couple of separate tub rooms each equipped with a bathtub and sink. A handful of  large rooms or suites were reserved for people like the residence council president, the head resident (an administrative role), and some of the residents who had lived there the longest, had larger rooms/suites with private bathrooms. I got one of those rooms in my fourth and final year by virtue of my seniority -- a double room converted to a large single with a private bathroom (including tub/shower unit) -- and I must say it was nice. :)  There were coin-operated washers and dryers in the basement where you could do laundry. 

Our rooms had no phones: there was a payphone downstairs. There were phone jacks in each room, though, and we could (and did) go to the phone company office at the local mall (a short bus ride away), and arrange to rent one. (Most of us got the basic black, dial model, which was the cheapest option.) My roommate and I split the rental cost and each paid for our own long-distance calls. Long distance, of course, was expensive in those days. The weekends that I didn't go home -- and I didn't actually go home that often, especially after the first while, and then my parents moved further away, which reduced my incentive to visit too often -- I would call home on Sunday night to chat (which was the cheapest). We also bought a small wipe-off message board with an attached water-soluble marker. Just about everyone had one; that was how we left messages for our friends and neighbours, in those pre-computer & pre-cellphone days.  

Over time, I brought more and more stuff from home. I think I already had an electric alarm clock-radio (with the numbers that flipped over -- pre-digital days!). I brought a desk lamp, and my portable typewriter, and a couple of favourite stuffed animals. We papered the walls with posters, bought at the campus bookstore and the nearby KMart (I particularly remember Peter Frampton and Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem from The Muppets over my bed, lol -- maybe because they're both visible in one of the few photos I took of my room that year -- see below). 

There was a full-sized refrigerator in the floor lounge (also a kettle and toaster), but my new roommate brought a small kettle/hot pot, and I contributed a small bar-size refrigerator (thanks, Dad!), and we assembled a small collection of mugs, glasses, plates and cutlery (many -- ahem! -- pilfered from the cafeteria). The parents also provided a small (12") black-and-white TV. Using the "rabbit ears" antenna, I could pull in a few (about 4) local stations. When I was in third year, my parents gave me a stereo for Christmas, which I'd been begging for for YEARS -- a turntable, tuner/radio/cassette . (I promptly burst into tears.)  I took it with me when I returned to school after the holidays, along with some of my LPs (and naturally I accumulated more over time). When I got a bigger room in third year, I made a low bookshelf out of a couple of boards and some bricks that a friend with a car helped me to buy at nearby lumber yard. 

There was storage space in the basement where you could keep boxes and trunks and larger items (like mini-fridges) in the summertime. We'd leave a note in the elevator for Tom, the good-natured caretaker, asking him to "please come take my boxes from Room 324 down to storage, thanks!" and then the reverse in the fall -- "Hi Tom, could you please bring up the boxes for Lori Lastname to Room 742" -- and they would magically appear in your room when you got back from class later that day. 

I lived in that dorm for all four years of undergrad, moving up to larger and larger single rooms -- and accumulating more and more stuff. ;)  (Textbooks alone took up a few boxes.) As I said, I arrived that first fall (1979) with little more than two suitcases. When I moved out in April 1983, my dad had to borrow a friend's half-ton pickup truck, and we completely filled the back. We borrowed a trolley from Tom, and made several trips up and down in the elevator and out to the truck, as my floormates sat in the lounge and watched in amusement. When we brought out the last few boxes, they broke out into applause. (Smarta**es, lol.)  

I cried as we drove away. It was the end of an era. That dorm was my home for four years-- especially once my parents moved away from the town where we'd lived for six years, and where I'd gone to high school. They were some of the best -- definitely the most fun -- years of my life, and I still think about it, and dream that I'm back there. 

I think I've posted this photo before? 
My side of my first-year dorm room, with standard dorm bedspreads and furniture.
Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem & Peter Frampton above the bed. :) 
Fall 1979. 

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Saturday, August 30, 2025

"Death Comes to Marlow" by Robert Thorogood

I finished my previous book a week ago Friday (Aug. 22nd). That Sunday night (the 24th), PBS aired the first episode of the second season of  "The Marlow Murder Club," based in part on "Death Comes to Marlow" by Robert Thorogood, a sequel to "The Marlow Murder Club,"  which I read almost exactly a year ago and reviewed here. (He adapted the book for the first two episodes;  the remaining four episodes will feature two new storylines by other writers, featuring the same characters, but not based on the books -- we'll see how that goes...!)

I didn't think I'd have time to read the entire book before last Sunday night (and I didn't), but I figured I could at least read enough to cover the events of episode 1.  :)  Not quite, but I did get up to chapter 17 (36%), and (after a busy week) finished it this morning.    

The plot:  cryptic crossword maven Judith receives a call from Sir Peter Bailey -- a neighbour whom she barely knows -- inviting her to the party he's giving the day before his wedding -- a second marriage to his caregiver, Jenny Page.  He hints to Judith that he's heard about her murder-solving prowess and has something he wants to discuss with her. 

Accompanied by Suzie (dogwalker, now a radio host, and another member of the Marlow Murder Club), Judith attends the party -- where third MMC member Becks and her vicar husband are also in attendance, as well as Sir Peter's two adult children, both of whom disapprove of the marriage. But before Judith can speak with Sir Peter, there's a loud crash from inside the house. Sir Peter is nowhere to be found and the door to his study is locked from the inside;  when the door is broken down, the groom-to-be is found dead -- crushed below a heavy bookcase that has toppled over.  

The incorrigible Judith, of course, immediately suspects murder -- but all the potential suspects have solid alibis, so the police don’t consider the death suspicious. Once again, it's up to the Marlow Murder Club to figure out whodunnit...  

Like the original book, this was a fast and easy read -- light, entertaining, and quite funny in some parts, especially near the beginning.  

However, the same criticisms I had of the original book still apply here.  While it's great to see a strong older (childless) female lead character, Judith can be annoying at times (no wonder poor Tanika, the young police officer, gets exasperated with her). The writing style is rather basic: sometimes it seems like every little detail gets spelled out in full, and the book is probably longer than it needs to be. Case in point: like the original, Judith confronts the killer near the end and -- in a lengthy near-monologue, spanning TWO ENTIRE CHAPTERS and 46 pages!!! (on my e-reader, in a generous type size) -- explains how and why they did it. It's all rather twisty and convoluted and highly improbable.  

As for the TV version: as usual, there are some deviations/compressions/omissions from the original text -- particularly since there are only two hour-long episodes to cover the whole book in. Suzie and Becks's domestic situations/family relationships are played up more than they are in the book. Other details have been added, and some scenes are clearly played for laughs. A scene from the book, where the trio shadow Sir Peter's son, has morphed into a wild chase sequence where all three hop aboard a borrowed senior's motor scooter, with Judith and Becks hanging on for dear life as Suzie drives, roaring around corners and over speed bumps (!).  And once again, Rita Tushingham provides a brief moment of comic relief in a blink-and-you'll-miss her cameo role as the bane of Becks's existence, irritating parishoner Mrs. Eddingham, a character who doesn't appear in the books (the first two that I've read, anyway). As I said about the first season, while it's nice to see her in front of the camera again, and despite receiving prominent billing in the cast list, she's given little to do (has nothing to do with the plot itself), and is essentially wasted here. 

I gave "The Marlow Murder Club" 3 stars on both Goodreads and StoryGraph, and I'm sticking with that rating for this sequel as well.  

This was Book #25 read to date in 2025 (and Book #4 finished in August), bringing me to 56% of  my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 4 books behind  schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

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Wednesday, August 27, 2025

A "new" approach? I think not...

Mel recently mentioned a post from Infertile Phoenix, in which Phoenix describes coming across her old basal temperature charts from her TTC days. She (Mel) was wondering if people still read Toni Weschler's book ("Taking Charge of Your Fertility"), which many in the TTC community regard as the "bible" -- or did, during my own TTC days -- and which promotes fertility awareness through natural methods such as charting your morning temperature with a basal thermometer. 

I told Mel in the comments that it's still out there! -- I've seen copies of the latest edition in bookstores recently -- and I remember reading an article not too long ago about it, and how it (like so many other things these days, unfortunately…) has become politicized, much to Weschler's dismay. This link is, unfortunately, behind a paywall (at least it was for me) -- and Pocket, which used to be my first stop in trying to get around paywalls, is now defunct -- but you can still read some paywalled articles via the archive.today website.  Try this link from there. 

I wrote about TCOYF and how I used it back in 2018. Obviously, it did not work for me! (nor did several subsequent rounds of clomid & IUIs) but I am still glad I read it and gained that better knowledge of my body and how it works. I would still highly recommend the book for all young women, whether or not they want children or are experiencing fertility issues. (Men should read it too!) 

I was reminded of these posts and articles when I saw another recent article from the New York Times about a "new" (new??) "natural" approach to infertility called "restorative reproductive medicine" (gift link), which is being promoted by both Christian conservatives and the Make America Healthy Again movement. TCOYF is not mentioned, but its methods would likely be included in such an approach. The concept proposes to address what proponents describe as the “root causes” of infertility, while leaving IVF as a last resort. 

"Physicians who specialize in the approach analyze patients’ diet and exercise habits, while helping them “chart” their menstrual cycles, a process that can help expose certain reproductive health conditions, like endometriosis, that may lead to infertility," the article says. "Practitioners treat reproductive health conditions but do not offer I.V.F." 

Although President Donald Trump has signalled his support for IVF and making it free of charge, Republicans at both the state and federal levels are now busy promoting measures to fund "restorative reproductive medicine," and to require insurance companies to cover it -- while continuing to downplay and dither over IVF.  

Of course, what they're promoting is far from "new" for anyone who has experienced infertility. Most of us who have ventured down the infertility treatment path have been there, done that, bought the T-shirt  -- charted, felt for the position of our cervix, noted our "ewcm" (and guzzled gallons of Robitussin cough syrup in an attempt to increase it), lay on our backs with our legs up in the air after sex, sworn off alcohol, changed and watched our diets (ate copious amounts of pineapple), taken extra vitamins, tried to lose weight,  tried yoga, meditation, acupuncture, essential oils, "natural supplements," crystals, and goodness knows what else -- and undergone umpteen ultrasounds, endometrial biopsies and sometimes laparoscopies and more invasive surgical procedures, before moving on to trying clomid and IUIs (with and without using fertility drugs) -- and only THEN moving on to more intensive (and costly) interventions like IVF. 

Leading medical organizations agree:  

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists called restorative reproductive medicine “unproven” and “not a medical term,” stressing that many patients have already tried to chart their cycles, treat underlying conditions and make lifestyle changes by the time they arrive at an infertility clinic. While those methods may work for some, several leading I.V.F. doctors said people experiencing infertility often required more help — and months or years spent on restorative reproductive medicine could delay the I.V.F. they would ultimately need in order to conceive. Because female fertility declines with age, doctors said those delays could jeopardize a woman’s ability to get pregnant.

“They’re underestimating how hard we try to avoid I.V.F.,” said Eve Feinberg, a medical director of fertility and reproductive medicine at Northwestern Medicine. “When people walk into my clinic, we don’t do I.V.F. tomorrow. We try to figure out other things.”

Many readers agreed in the comments. "Only someone who has never gone through any fertility treatment would think the techniques described here are something new," the top-rated comment points out. "They are just the first steps in fertility treatment. If they worked for everyone, we wouldn't have IVF." 

Another highly rated comment (and there are lots of others in the same vein):  "I don't see any "restorative" treatments discussed in this article that focus on the MALE half of infertility..." 

Senator Tammy Duckworth, a Democrat from Illinois, is blunt: 

“They want to delay and delay and delay and essentially come up with fake science and ways to delay so that people can never actually get to the I.V.F. solution,” said Ms. Duckworth, who has had two children through I.V.F.

I'm all for better educating people about their bodies and how they work, and for more comprehensive fertility investigations at a younger age. (While I adored my longtime family doctor -- who recently passed away -- when I was 36 and expressed concern that I wasn't getting pregnant after more than a year of trying, he basically patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry it will happen.  It actually did happen when I was 37 -- but we all know how that played out...! And I never got pregnant again, with or without assistance.)  

However, my suspicion is the powers that be will promote this "new" concept -- which might help some people, but certainly not anyone with serious fertility issues -- while de-funding more effective (albeit more expensive -- and more politically contentious) treatments such as IVF, and making them harder to access. 

A "new" approach? I think not. 

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Monday, August 25, 2025

#MicroblogMondays: Odds & ends

  • Apparently Friday, Aug. 22nd, was Rainbow Baby Day (trigger warning: baby photos) -- and while I didn't spend a lot of time on social media that day, my feeds had more mentions about it from various loss/infertility/childless accounts than I've ever seen in the past. (I'm going to have to add this one to my calendar so that I remember in the future and it doesn't take me by surprise again!) 
    • All power to those of you who have had your "rainbow baby(s)" -- but huge thanks and bouquets to those few lovely souls (many/most of them from the childless-not-by-choice community, but also a few who were not) who dared to remind people that not everyone is lucky enough to get their rainbow. 
    • Of course, some of us might still get a rainbow -- albeit maybe not in the form of another baby. 
    • Previous Rainbow Baby Day post from 2020 here.  
  • I love Lisa Sibbett's Substack, The Auntie Bulletin, and I loved her recent post about "The Seven Blessings of the Aunties:  Here’s what Aunties bring to families." I feel like we're all potential "aunties" and role models to the younger generation, even if we don't actually have nieces, nephews, godchildren, etc. in our lives (at this particular point in time, anyway). 
    • I especially liked #4 on Lisa's list ("Aunties teach kids about life's options"), although the text mostly reflects the childfree by choice. I would add that simply by our presence, those of us who wanted children but didn't get them can show by example that a good life can be possible even if it's not the life you originally wanted or assumed you would have or that all of your friends have. Learning to deal with grief, loss and life's disappointments and roll with the punches is hard, but it's a something we'll all find ourselves doing, one way or another, and we can help model those skills for the younger generation. 
  • Sari Botton's Memoirland Substack recently featured a post from Natalie Frenkel, "Friendship and Fertility," about struggling to conceive, and the effect it had on her relationships with friends who could (what Jody Day has called "the friendship apocalypse of childlessness"). There's a lot here that's familiar!  
    • Trigger warning:  The essay is illustrated with a photo of two women, one of them with her hand on a pregnant belly (!).
  • This one popped up on my phone as a random Google notification -- about pronatalism and families, "legacy," living your own life on your own terms. It starts with a great personal story about living well being the best revenge (lol), and then segues into a more general essay about having a good life without children.  
    • The article is mostly from a childfree perspective, but I was happy to see this acknowledgement:  "But for those who wanted kids and couldn’t have them — whether because of money, health, or life throwing curveballs — the emotional load can hit harder."
    • Trigger warning:  The thumbnail image has a border around it of cartoonish babies, bottles,soothers, etc.  There is also a photo of a mother with small children.
    • A few choice passages: 
But here’s the thing — choosing a child-free life isn’t some shiny new TikTok trend. Aside from the baby boom in the ’50s, history has always had its fair share of people saying, “No thanks” to diapers and playdates.

The big difference now? We’re actually talking about it. From smashing tired stereotypes to questioning what “family” even means, the conversation is louder — and bolder — than ever.

and

...different has a way of making people uncomfortable. Friends and family might need time to adjust — especially if they pictured your life a certain way. But here’s the thing: the person who has to live that life is you.

...At the end of the day, whether you raise kids or not, your life can still be full of love, meaning, and joy — on your own terms.

Sometimes, the most powerful legacy isn’t the one you’re handed — it’s the one you create for yourself.

  • Not ALI-related, but this Substack post from Judith Hubbell at "Too Old for This Sh*t" deserves to be widely read and shared. It's one of the best defenses and explanations of feminism that I've read in eons. Bravo!! 
You can find more of this week's #MicroblogMondays posts here. 

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Saturday, August 23, 2025

"Wonderful Adventures of Mrs. Seacole in Many Lands' by Mary Seacole

"Wonderful Adventures of Mrs. Seacole in Many Lands" by Mary Seacole -- the September book for my Childless Collective Nomo Book Club -- was first published in 1857. It was out of print for decades, but was rediscovered and republished in 1984. My Penguin Books edition was published in 2005, edited with an introduction by Sara Salih -- who, I was amused to read, is/was an assistant professor at the University of Toronto! My copy also contained a lot of helpful explanatory footnotes, and an appendix of contemporary news articles about Mrs. Seacole. 

Mrs. Seacole was born Mary Jane Grant in 1805 in Kingston, Jamaica, to a Scottish father and Creole mother. Her marriage was a short one, ending in her husband's death. She later went into business with one of his relatives (a certain "Mr. Day," about whom she doesn't have much to say -- and I would have loved to know more about the exact nature of their relationship...!). 

At a time when women lived rather restricted, sheltered lives, she had a zest for travel and adventure, and was trotting around the globe -- often unescorted -- back and forth from Jamaica to Panama, England and the Crimea (during the Crimean War!), running hotels/dining rooms, stores and other businesses, providing food and drinks and nursing the sick and wounded (on and off the battlefield), and even prospecting for gold. I found the Crimean War chapters particularly interesting -- I don't know a lot about that particular conflict (perhaps British readers would know more than those of us in North America?) -- but I learned, a few years back, that my great-great-grandmother's older brother served there and died in a hospital in Scutari -- perhaps the one run by the famous Florence Nightingale, described here. 

Not all of Mrs. Seacole's adventures were "wonderful," although she tends to put a positive spin on her experiences, and glosses over or omits certain parts of her story altogether.  There is illness and injury, and distressing descriptions of violence and death, including the deaths of children. Some of the conditions she lived in were pretty primitive -- the passage where she describes eating exotic animals during her time in Panama gave me pause...!  And while her business flourished as the war raged on, it collapsed into bankruptcy after the armistice was signed and the soldiers began returning home to Britain. The book appears to have been part of an effort to raise money to support her in her "old age," including a fund set up and donated to by some of the officers she had served. 

The somewhat florid and self-effacing Victorian prose may be a little challenging for some modern readers, although it's not an overly difficult read. The attitudes and language of the day -- racist, colonialist, nationalist, sexist -- are reflected both casually and overtly in Mrs. Seacole's words, attitudes, experiences and memories (particularly in the first part of the book). Be forewarned: the infamous "N word" makes a few appearances. There is some pronatalism too: although she had no children herself, she regarded the soldiers she nursed as her "sons," and many of them referred to her as "Aunty" and "Mother Seacole." Her dislike of the Americans she encounters in Panama is abundantly clear, and she dubs her Jewish Greek guide "Jew Johnny" (!) (although she also calls him "the best and faithfullest servant I had in the Crimea").  

Nevertheless, I enjoyed Mrs. Seacole's obvious zest for life and adventure, and her apparent ability to roll with the punches and deal with whatever challenges life presented her. She was quite an amazing lady, and she's regarded as a national heroine in Jamaica today. It's fascinating to learn more about these unsung/forgotten figures from the past, and I am glad this book was rediscovered for us to learn from and enjoy. 

3.5 stars on StoryGraph. I struggled with the question of whether to round that up or down on Goodreads;  I initially gave it 4 stars there but changed the rating to 3 stars after sleeping on it. ;)  An interesting and entertaining read overall, although not without its flaws. 

This was Book #24 read to date in 2025 (and Book #3 finished in August), bringing me to 53% of  my 2025 Goodreads Reading Challenge goal of 45 books. I am (for the moment, anyway...!) 4 books behind  schedule to meet my goal.  :)  You can find reviews of all my books read to date in 2025 tagged as "2025 books." 

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